He was blond and blistering with those big blue eyes. I couldn’t help thinking, sitting in a swivel chair as he picked up a pair of dirty underwear off the floor and handed me a Corona, how differently men treat you when they’re not into you. He had to clean his bedroom, so we didn’t hang out in the living room. Instead, I sat in an office chair turning round and round in circles while he scuffled across the floor making piles of clothes talking about his time in Spain. I was waiting for the girlfriend drop, wondering how he was going to slip it in.
Questions came up about me, my time spent that summer, and I straightened my back in the swivel chair and gave my speech about how I would never wait tables again.
He threw himself on his bed, and I was still perched straight-backed in that swivel chair when he dropped the bomb:
“My girlfriend lives Uptown. She used to stay here every night until it got messy.”
So I decided to drop my bomb: “I’m dating this guy from California.”
A pause. He expected me to elaborate, so I did.
“I met him in photography class. We have a lot of similar interests.”
Another silence. I let him take it.
“Is it good?”
“Sure.” I paused before I answered, and he jumped right on it.
“You hesitated. Do you really dig this guy?”
I sipped my beer and then I thought to myself, what am I doing here?
I was searching for something that wasn’t in this dimly lit apartment and most definitely wasn’t in the beautiful blue eyes of this man lounging in front of me. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, this was so not worth fighting for, whatever this was.
I chugged the beer. I took out my phone and said,“Hey, I gotta go, I’m meeting a friend for drinks.”
And he cooed, “So soon?” with a smile that could have melted me.
But what echoed as hard as rocks inside my head was, not soon enough.
This is the best dating advice I can ever give: leave when it doesn’t feel right. When it’s 1% wrong in the beginning it will be 100% wrong in the end.
Each and every single one of us knows when something is almost perfect, almost, except for that twinge of something that grows into something huge.
Learn to love those who love you in a way that is overwhelming, in a way that spills all over you and is 100% right in your heart. Make room in your life for that type of right.
It only needs to happen once.